Your spouse comes to you and says that they’re done with the marriage, and they want to get divorced. They’re not going to change their mind. It’s not what you want, whether you knew it was coming or not, but this is where they’re at with the marriage.

This is a tough situation. You feel like your life is, to a degree, out of your own hands. And that’s true. Your spouse also has a right to control this aspect of their own life, and they’re exercising it. With that in mind, don’t do these things:

  • Don’t start spying on them by looking at their phone, hacking into their social media accounts or physically following them around. You will probably be curious about what is going on, but you need to respect their privacy.
  • Don’t vow to get even in the divorce. This process goes smoothly when you work together. Trying to do things out of spite or based on emotion is just going to make it harder.
  • Don’t gossip with other people or attempt to turn them against your spouse. Don’t post too many details on social media. Keep things between the two of you.
  • Do not act out against your spouse. For instance, don’t decide that you’re going to spend as much of the family money as you can before the divorce, hoping to keep your spouse from getting it in the asset division process.

Instead, just take a step back, collect your thoughts and begin looking into your legal options. Remember that life does go on after divorce, whether you wanted that divorce or not, and take this time to plan for that future.